Momma had a baby and her head popped off.
One of two things has happened to Moe.
- He has entered the Terrible Two phase and has developed an irresistible urge to do what he damn well wants to do, when he damn well wants to do it or screams his head off if he is met with any opposition.
- Satan has taken over him and an exorcism must be scheduled immediately if not sooner.
I’m going with #1. This literally happened overnight, and lucky us, couldn’t have occurred at a better time with our family visiting and all. Oy. The terrible twoness blindsided us when our usual happy morning/breakfast time was met with a screech that could wake the dead, or in this matter our family who was visiting from the Pacific time zone. And all because I could not get the toaster to toast the pancakes any faster than they were toasting. Andomfg,hewantedthosepancakesthisveryinstantandwas goingtoscreamhisbloodyheadoffuntiltheywereonhistray!
To make matters worse, up to this point I have never tried to stifle Moe’s jargon, because to be honest, I feel like that’s just who is, and I like that. So, he had no idea how to respond to my repeated requests of shhh or inside voice and that’s not so okay when the noise reached that ear-deafening level and when you’re trying to let your guests get some much-needed sleep.
And it didn’t stop with breakfast. Several times during the weekend, a tantrum of epic proportions would erupt when Moe was removed from playing for a much-needed diaper change. One particular diaper change/tantrum/fiasco really stands out. Now, Jason will probably kill me for telling y’all, but I need to share. While I was cleaning and filling the humidifier, Jason was wrangling with Moe to get ready for a diaper change. We don’t have a changing table so all diaper changes take place on the floor in Moe’s closet (I know, real ghetto). Well after Jason got Moe’s clothes off, he all of a sudden stiffened up and somehow flipped his body around, and in the process a turd popped out of the diaper and landed on the floor. In the midst of Jason trying to get control of Moe and the situation, his hand landed in the turd. Now, I’ve had the misfortune of hand-on-turd contact before but I have a much stronger stomach and gag reflex than Jason. Sadly, I think he may be scarred for life and ended up writing the following text after the melee to his partner who is also a father that has poop contact experience:
I just bare-handed a piece of shit. Will I ever feel clean again?
On the bright side, I’ve had a little time to read up on some ways to deter unwanted screeching . Although it involves me singing in a quiet voice (those who’ve heard me sing are cringing), I’m happy to report it’s worked. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to research anti-poop flailing advice.
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Flash back of Nate the great!!! Hang it there and hopefully it will get better!!!!!!
Carol - March 30, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I have no advice, obviously, but your hubby’s text made me belly laugh. It is hard to believe that someone so adorable would ever shout. Maybe if you would just toast the pancakes faster. I am glad the singing is working. Whenever Steven and I walk the pups we always exclaim, “Success!” if we manage to clean up the unbelievable amounts of poop without getting any on our hands. You could try that.
Julie - March 30, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Yeah, this is all what it is – we are in it too, and I expect it will only get worse. I LOVE that the two things that happen multiple times a day, diaper changes and face wiping after eating, are now met with shrieking. Or should I say SHRIEKING. It might be time to pull out the ear plugs again.
Singing does work, and only my children ever, ever hear me sing.
A tip for floor diaper changing – ever so gently place your left leg (if you’re right handed) over the torso of your child. Don’t rest your leg, but use the crook under your knee as a little protective tent. Works for flippers and poop grabbers. And blocks just a tiny bit of the shrieking so you can concentrate on the lovely task at hand.
rebekah - March 30, 2009 at 3:57 pm
All I could do was laugh. Great story. I do have to say that I am glad that Ayden is out of that stage but they will forever want what they want when they want it… good luck
Lynn - March 30, 2009 at 4:05 pm
As a girl who grew up on the farm, I can tell you, first hand, there are FAR worse experiences than hand-on-poop contact. Try poop in mouth, on face, in hair during cattle wrangling in the rain. THAT my friend, will scare you for life. Jason will heal. I promise. Just try to keep it out of your mouth.
Meg DeZutti - March 30, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Can you invest in a few LaCrosse sticks and hang them in convenient places so that (when necessary) you can reach up and grab one to catch the flying poop in mid air? Just think of the exercise and coordination you’ll gain! Then maybe one day Moe can learn to catch his own with a LaCrosse stick – you could bypass the whole potty training thing all together. Moe Better: Worlds first professional LaCrosse potty trianing team! I like it.
Jo & Mike - March 30, 2009 at 7:47 pm
It’s terrible 2’s. Sort of.
For us they started at around 17 months and by the time he was 2 he was so much better. I was all, “Hey, crisis averted, we got lucky and he’s done with ‘em!”
And then 2.5 hit. Bwahahaha!
natasha the exile on Mom Street - March 30, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Can’t.stop.laughing! Doug has some pretty bad gag reflexes himself.
Welcome to the terrible twos. Aren’t they fun?
Briana's Mom - March 30, 2009 at 9:53 pm
It will probably get worse. Jonathan pooped in the shower and when we opened the door he was holding the poop in his hand. I screamed like a llittle girl while he handed it to Jay, saying sweetly “Here ya go, Daddy.”
Teri R - March 30, 2009 at 10:15 pm
I have tears rolling out of my eyes, I am laughing so hard! Poor Jason! Don’t tell him it gets worse during potty training.
Believe it or not, and take this for as little as you will, BOTH of my kids fell for the whispered “I can’t hear you when you’re so loud” routine when they were yelling. I thought that just Patrick was gullible like that, but one day when Melkamu was yelling, I whispered “I can’t hear you!” and he immediately stopped yelling. He tried it again, eyes intently upon me to see if I would react to the sudden shriek, and when I repeated that I couldn’t hear him, he used a normal voice. It’s worth a try–although it might just be that my kids are kind of easy to fool…
Erin - March 30, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Oh how lucky we are. My friend corrected her 2yo at our house last night and he turned to her and said “I dont think so.” I was stunned.
Nicole - March 31, 2009 at 7:42 am
My husband had a poo experience lately too. Jacob pooed in the tub during bath time. I have to admit, my husband handled that far better than I would. I am having flashbacks and I wasn’t even there at the time! I hope the healing process can begin for your husband:o)
Colleen - March 31, 2009 at 7:52 am
I tgotally understand the instistant attitude but we’ve been dealing with that since day one. It is just part of his personality. It is tough to wrangle and he does have his share of tantrums, but it gets better if we don’t give in and talk about other options. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. Just make sure you stock up on the wine to help calm your nerves.
We change on the floor too and I’ve had my share of poop hand too. Gross but unavoidable sometimes. I’m sure it won’t be the last time this will happen. And of course, if Moe thinks his antics at changing time creates drama, he will continue.
Good luck in finding a way to solve the problems.
Michele - March 31, 2009 at 8:01 am
wow – gotta love the high-decibel expression of opinion. It is just starting to happen over here. and I’m NOT looking forward to her actual 2-year-old self, I tell you, if this is a preview.
the whisper works… sometimes. and it’s REALLY frickin cute when they whisper back.
HabeshaChild - March 31, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Really? Singing quietly? I will have an opportunity to try it soon, I’m sure. Tell Jason that I first read that Moe’s HEAD landed in the turd, which I thought is much worse, but maybe not to Jason, as it would have been someone else’s body part. Of course, he may have had to clean it up and Moe has lot’s of hair. No, I think you’re way was better.
Cavatica - March 31, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Oh to be 2 again. Max is going thru the same. That screech makes my head spin. At first, i ‘thought’ i could get him to stop… now i just ignore and it ends quickly. I will try the whispering as well. I find the more i ignore his fits, the less they happen. But as a control freak, that’s so hard to do.
Poop hand is gross, no doubt. I’m hoping the end of that is near though, as we are peeing and poo’ing several times a day in the potty. M&M’s work wonders.
tracy - March 31, 2009 at 8:43 pm
If it makes Jason feel any better, Amilia got Patrick good and dirty with both pee and poop today (and he demanded an immediate shower). I personally have to come up with a way to not laugh when she gets insistant that she so absolutely should get another cracker/cookie/piece-of-crap-food-that-she-really-shouldn’t-have-in-the-first-place. It’s just too darn funny…:-)
Karen - April 1, 2009 at 9:05 pm
i may not think it’s so funny when it happens to me, but i can’t help laughing about “bare handing a piece of shit.” I love it. (well, not really, but you know..)
laura - April 4, 2009 at 6:38 pm
I haven’t even finished reading this yet and had to comment b/c I am laughing SO freaking hard. Okay, I have wondered the same thing with Max and I waver between the two options every now and again — just wait until 3. The fun continues with more verbalization.
I am not giving up on us… I still hold out hope that we will get together.
xoxo
Laura - April 6, 2009 at 9:25 am
Okay, now I’m done and I didn’t think it could get better (funnier) and yet, it did.
Laura - April 6, 2009 at 9:27 am
Dear Moe’s Mama,
Please post something. I miss you.
xoxo
your biggest fan.
HabeshaChild - April 8, 2009 at 12:42 am